Ban terrorist tools

California Assemblyman Joel Anderson has missed the point entirely. Joel wants to limit the resolution of on-line maps in sensitive areas under force of law. Because terrorists use maps.

Assemblyman Anderson, I bring your attention to the recent criminal attacks in Mumbai, Winnenden and Alabama. The common thread amongst these deranged killers? Not maps. Not GPS devices. Not cunning planning. Shoes, Mr. Assemblyman. Sturdy comfortable shoes. All of these killers used shoes in the execution of their crimes and all of them were more effective killers because they were wearing shoes. Some have even weaponized shoes.

Mr. Anderson, your attention to maps in your proposed bill is wrong. You must ban shoes. No more shoes for the terrorists. If the terrorists are shod then the terrorists win.

I have it on good authority and with scientific evidential support that a large proportion of violent criminals consume a performance enhancing chemical during their reigns of mayhem. That's right, oxygen. Assemblyman Anderson, you can end terror by banning shoes, but you can put a stop to all violent crime by controlling oxygen. You must defend us all by turning your attention from maps that are dangerous only when used to poke out an eye or start a fire. Turn your legislative expertise to shoes and oxygen the common weapons of every violent criminal of the common era[1].

Don't just save the maps. Don't just save the GPSes. Do it for the children, Joel. Do it for the children.

Shoe photo from wikimedia

[1] or, if you count sandals as shoes, since the dawn of time.